How I ended up at a conspiracy theory dinner - 10 things I did to get out of my comfort zone

The other day I confessed to a friend I had never ever been to a restaurant or a bar alone. As embarrassing as it is, at the time it sounded like the most frightening idea. What do I do sitting alone? Do I stare at the cute waiter or my empty plate? Where do I place my hands? I always speak with my hands! Do I read a book? What book is appropriate?


I promised her to try it at least once, and while at it, I decided I might as well try other things that were not part of my zone..

I committed for the next 10 days to do one thing every day that made me uncomfortable.

1- Zero dollar day – Living a day without spending a penny, in nowhere else but San francisco. 

Instead of lyfting to work, I walked. Instead of a dinner out, I cooked with what I had. Even better, when I told my colleagues I cannot go to happy hour because of my zero dollar challenge, they showed me support and bought me drinks!

Lesson #1: When money is a problem you get to be more creative and the world becomes a more generous place.

2- A date with myself – While frightening (I left my phone at home!), half an hour later of sitting at a wine bar alone, I knew the life story of the owner, made new friends and was there for 4 hours! I have been looking forward to my one date a week with myself, adventure.

Lesson #2: Necessity is a blessing in disguise. When on your own, you make friends with people from outside your circles.

3- Shutting up – For those who don’t know me, I have to always have an opinion. So I finally decided to shut the f"#$ up one day, and refrain from controlling conversations, instead accepting what is. 

Lesson #3: I found out how liberating it is to not always need to formulate an opinion, and reminded me of this quote:"We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say"

4- Not planning – While I am a terrible planner, I always have a plan. And that Wednesday, I decided to make no plans and keep my evening open. My friend Azmeera texted me if I wanted to join a conspiracy theory dinner. An hour later, I found myself at an East Berlin joint in the Mission, talking Middle East conflict, oligarchy, revolution, Edward Snowden and all that fun stuff, with amongst others, a Columbia university professor, hippies who were dressed for Burning Man, an ex CIA agent and nobody that worked in tech.

Lesson #4: Leave room for serendipity, and be intentional about it. With how much we are connected these days, it is no longer a given.

5- Online dating – I am never telling my children I met your dad over the interwebs. My promise to myself, soon to be broken. I chose Tinder. After swiping a few guys I ended up running into my ex, colleagues and finally got a date. And while he was not Mr. Right or Right now, I made a friend.

Lesson #5: Before saying no to something, try it once. It may surprise you. Though in this case, I am still not a fan of it.

6- Fasting – I love to eat, all the time. So fasting is a big deal for me. I don’t think I ever fasted. While I ended up in bed with no energy all day, I got the opportunity to reflect on how much stuff I ate when I stressed. And actually, realized that I stressed more often than I thought.

Lesson #6: Going to the extreme opposite of your behavior can teach you things about yourself you did not know of.

7- Asking a guy out – A Lebanese woman never asks a guy out, never pays for dinner, and never says yes to sex on a first date. Or so I was brought up to believe.  So I broke the first rule, and while I got rejected, it was a blessing, as soon I found out he was gay. I could have waited all my life for it.

Lesson #7: Challenge your beliefs and what you were told was right. They may not apply to the person you have become. 

8- Disconnecting in the city -  No apple products for a day. Hid them in my closet, and soon after forgot about them. I went on exploring the deeper Mission, made friends with a homeless lady and meditated for an hour.

Lesson #8: Disconnecting is the new out of the zone no brainer. And it is easier than you think.

9- Running a marathon – In San Francisco, people run, bike and run again. Last time I biked I was 12, and the most I ran was 4 miles. So I signed myself up for the Big Sur marathon. I will keep you posted, I must start training. 

Lesson #9:Commit to not only yourself but also to the world, and pay for it, it helps you make it happen.

10- Traveling solo –If you haven’t traveled alone you haven’t lived said my Israeli friend Shely. While this was on my list, I was skeptical it is going to happen. But the universe was in on it. And so for passion reasons, my friend cancelled last minute and as I write this I am in the South of Portugal, in a fishing village, on my own.

Lesson #10: If it is too challenging, put it out there, and let life handle it. 

You can choose to live and do what you have known is comfortable or you can choose to get out there every now and then, and do something for the first time. 

The reward of a little bit of unease is life. For what is life if not lived.

And so what is one thing you will do this weekend to get you out of the comfort zone? Share with me, and lets do it!

Photos taken during my trip in south of portugal

Why you should quit facebook too

I quit facebook two weeks ago. This was not the first time I do it and I am guilty of making a few people think I blocked them.

My decision came after finding myself checking Facebook every hour, habitually more than anything. A breakup made these few lost minutes on the social network painful. I will not dwell on this, but those who have been through breakups will likely empathize.

Ditching my facebook life also known as facebook detox, has been surprisingly smooth and not so surprisingly, rewarding.

1- More quality time with the ones that matter. I found myself emailing, texting yes texting friends I  wanted to hang out with or just check in on. Not knowing what they were up to through Facebook left me with a thirst to reach out. Guess what? The calls lead to meaningful conversations, to drinks, dinners, offline meetings. To illustrate, not having access to my events in Facebook, meant I had to reach out to a friend I had not been in touch with for details about the party. And bam, we were truly reconnected :) I even have my friend from Beirut calling me more often now to get my news since she can't stalk me anymore.

2- Focus on me and what makes me happy. One of my Stanford professors Benoit Monin, published a study that shows that usage of facebook and other social media tools, can make you perceive your life as unhappy. Why? Quoting the article: "Your friends' lives are filled with nonstop weekend barbecues, laughs over happy hour and cute kids who say the darnedest things." "...that people chronically overestimate how happy their peers are, and this misperception leads to feelings of loneliness."

Indeed, this happened to me. I have been able to focus on my activities, my plan for the day, my projects without comparing it to the 1000+ friends' whereabouts and statuses (most commonly used: "another sunday in ____" + photo of blue sky).

I have been journaling and spending time listening to myself instead of others. When was the last time you listened to yourself?


3- Efficiency. This goes without saying that when you are not browsing facebook every so often you probably focus on the task at hand. It is so easy for my mind to wonder from a facebook post, to another city, another state of mind, sometimes another emotion. Not having the option to distract myself, makes my time on computer more efficient.


The downside (or lack of it):

Spotify. Heart breaking, but if you signed up for Spotify in the US you cannot access it without facebook. For those music lovers this could be a deal breaker.

FOMO (fear of missing out for those who did not go to B-schools). You will get over it. You will learn how to enjoy your current activity and listen to yourself and what you need. (and god we learn when we make small changes in our daily life).

The bottom-line:

Taking a break from Facebook, from time to time, believe it or not, won't end your life as you know it. Take this risk and you will see benefits you may not have expected: reconnecting with yourself and others in a meaningful way.

And guess what? You could always go back to the virtual world by simply logging in. Boom nothing is gone. All your info is there and the happiness updates are still scrolling down the newsfeed.

Need a real digital detox? Check out this retreat I am going to next week.