How I ended up at a conspiracy theory dinner - 10 things I did to get out of my comfort zone

The other day I confessed to a friend I had never ever been to a restaurant or a bar alone. As embarrassing as it is, at the time it sounded like the most frightening idea. What do I do sitting alone? Do I stare at the cute waiter or my empty plate? Where do I place my hands? I always speak with my hands! Do I read a book? What book is appropriate?


I promised her to try it at least once, and while at it, I decided I might as well try other things that were not part of my zone..

I committed for the next 10 days to do one thing every day that made me uncomfortable.

1- Zero dollar day – Living a day without spending a penny, in nowhere else but San francisco. 

Instead of lyfting to work, I walked. Instead of a dinner out, I cooked with what I had. Even better, when I told my colleagues I cannot go to happy hour because of my zero dollar challenge, they showed me support and bought me drinks!

Lesson #1: When money is a problem you get to be more creative and the world becomes a more generous place.

2- A date with myself – While frightening (I left my phone at home!), half an hour later of sitting at a wine bar alone, I knew the life story of the owner, made new friends and was there for 4 hours! I have been looking forward to my one date a week with myself, adventure.

Lesson #2: Necessity is a blessing in disguise. When on your own, you make friends with people from outside your circles.

3- Shutting up – For those who don’t know me, I have to always have an opinion. So I finally decided to shut the f"#$ up one day, and refrain from controlling conversations, instead accepting what is. 

Lesson #3: I found out how liberating it is to not always need to formulate an opinion, and reminded me of this quote:"We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say"

4- Not planning – While I am a terrible planner, I always have a plan. And that Wednesday, I decided to make no plans and keep my evening open. My friend Azmeera texted me if I wanted to join a conspiracy theory dinner. An hour later, I found myself at an East Berlin joint in the Mission, talking Middle East conflict, oligarchy, revolution, Edward Snowden and all that fun stuff, with amongst others, a Columbia university professor, hippies who were dressed for Burning Man, an ex CIA agent and nobody that worked in tech.

Lesson #4: Leave room for serendipity, and be intentional about it. With how much we are connected these days, it is no longer a given.

5- Online dating – I am never telling my children I met your dad over the interwebs. My promise to myself, soon to be broken. I chose Tinder. After swiping a few guys I ended up running into my ex, colleagues and finally got a date. And while he was not Mr. Right or Right now, I made a friend.

Lesson #5: Before saying no to something, try it once. It may surprise you. Though in this case, I am still not a fan of it.

6- Fasting – I love to eat, all the time. So fasting is a big deal for me. I don’t think I ever fasted. While I ended up in bed with no energy all day, I got the opportunity to reflect on how much stuff I ate when I stressed. And actually, realized that I stressed more often than I thought.

Lesson #6: Going to the extreme opposite of your behavior can teach you things about yourself you did not know of.

7- Asking a guy out – A Lebanese woman never asks a guy out, never pays for dinner, and never says yes to sex on a first date. Or so I was brought up to believe.  So I broke the first rule, and while I got rejected, it was a blessing, as soon I found out he was gay. I could have waited all my life for it.

Lesson #7: Challenge your beliefs and what you were told was right. They may not apply to the person you have become. 

8- Disconnecting in the city -  No apple products for a day. Hid them in my closet, and soon after forgot about them. I went on exploring the deeper Mission, made friends with a homeless lady and meditated for an hour.

Lesson #8: Disconnecting is the new out of the zone no brainer. And it is easier than you think.

9- Running a marathon – In San Francisco, people run, bike and run again. Last time I biked I was 12, and the most I ran was 4 miles. So I signed myself up for the Big Sur marathon. I will keep you posted, I must start training. 

Lesson #9:Commit to not only yourself but also to the world, and pay for it, it helps you make it happen.

10- Traveling solo –If you haven’t traveled alone you haven’t lived said my Israeli friend Shely. While this was on my list, I was skeptical it is going to happen. But the universe was in on it. And so for passion reasons, my friend cancelled last minute and as I write this I am in the South of Portugal, in a fishing village, on my own.

Lesson #10: If it is too challenging, put it out there, and let life handle it. 

You can choose to live and do what you have known is comfortable or you can choose to get out there every now and then, and do something for the first time. 

The reward of a little bit of unease is life. For what is life if not lived.

And so what is one thing you will do this weekend to get you out of the comfort zone? Share with me, and lets do it!

Photos taken during my trip in south of portugal

Missing the "28" deadline

I grew up believing that by 28 I would have met the love of my life, have founded the company of my dreams, and will have enough money to travel the world when I need to.

None of the above happened. I missed the deadline. 

Indeed, similarly to many other women, I had marriage deadlines. And to many of the people in my networks, I had achievement deadlines.

And when I missed it, I hit the “28” life crisis, or what I eventually realized would be my “28” life rebirth.

The trigger: a break up

I dated a fine man for 3 years. As 28 was looming, I started getting hints that this may not be it. 

Questioning why I was in it, made it clear that there was more fear than love.

The plan to be married by 28 made it so painful to let go, but triggered the fall from grace.

I questioned my beliefs about love. And finally let go of them.

I let go of my belief that the man I dream of is too perfect and therefore does not exist. That settling is the way to go as you grow older. That I have few years left.

With pain came a realization, that I should not be seeking love, that love will seek me. 

Love does not have a deadline, or a form or expectations. It just is.

And so I today enjoy being single and alone, where my own company is enough.

What came next: My career

They say everything is interconnected, and they are right. My career choices have been driven by mostly insecurities and limiting beliefs about what is possible. As a result I was making choices based on what others thought.

I worked at a big corporation as my first job, and gave up my acceptance to LSE to do what I was passionate about at the time: International Political Economy. I wanted to start making money, to prove that I can to my family.

 I applied to Stanford because I wanted to prove to my smart competitive consultants, that I am smart. 

I never had literally asked myself what is it that I really wanted to do with my life. 

I was following the "success path". 

When I chose to join the Customer service team at Airbnb, (Airbnb was small then and there), it was the first time I made a career choice from the heart. 

It was not easy, especially when I was asked by some of my classmates why would I get an MBA and work in Customer Service. And that I had no background in it anyways.

I knew then (I was 26), that I would not make it big by 28, if I took this route.

But I chose to restart. And start doing more of what I am passionate about, which is crafting offline experiences. 

Which I do in some extent at Airbnb and after 6 PM. I created the Pause & Shine experiences, workshops that connect people to their passions and to one another.

  

The money  

 I failed according to the deadline to make enough money to live the lifestyle I wanted.

This “failure” drove me to revisit the lifestyle that I wanted and strip down what did not matter.

I did not need a designer bag every season to impress my Lebanese girlfriends.

I learnt to cook, and I created a beautiful home where I host more often than I go out to fancy restaurants.

Most importantly, I am making peace with my relationship with money. I let go of the belief that I will never be rich, and instead I started focusing on doing more of what I love and believing that the rest will follow.

A reflection process:

 Letting go of a deadline has been in retrospect the hardest thing that happened to me personally.

Nonetheless, the journey of living true to myself is worth all the pains that come with it.

Do you have a deadline and you feel it is limiting you?

Get started with facing your deadlines!

Write down what deadlines you have in these three categories and who set them (Family, friends, society, fears, you)

Money

Career

Love

Take each deadline and write down the beliefs that underline it. For example a love deadline can stem from a belief that you will not find love at a certain age.

What would you do without these deadlines? What would you change about your life?

For example, you would stop focusing on the project that gets you the promotion, and focus more on working on the project that you are interested in.

Now commit to doing one of the changes in the next week, and observe how you feel. 

Photos credit Celeste Noche

The 10 women that inspire me

A week ago, my friend Karla asked me if I had a female mentor in the Bay Area, so she can feature us in her Cuyana Mother's day campaign.

My first reaction was one of disappointment: I do not have a female mentor or any mentor! 

However, this invite got me thinking of the many women who have mentored me knowingly or unknowingly without having to be my official mentor. Every single woman that was taking a risk, looking within, giving generously and following her passion.

In this post, I want to pay tribute to the 10 women that have pushed me, guided me, given me hope and taught me that anything is possible; and share with you why they inspire me. 

- Sorry Sheryl, you did not make the cut - 

1- Yolla Semaan - mother and entrepreneur

Born in a modest family of 9, birthing me at 16, my mother and her minimal school education, started her company in Lebanon, at 21. She survived bankruptcies, heartbreaks, wars, and continues to be a restless warrior. Today she runs a very successful company of 40+ employees and is a wonderful mother of two. 
And if I may say, her love for life and cigars lighten up every place she is at. If it were not for her drive and inspiration, I would not be anywhere close to where I am now.

2- Frida Kahlo - artist and revolutionary

If I had to choose the phrase to describe my muse, it would be her famous quote:

"I was born a bitch i was born a painter."

Despite the tremendous pain she endured through her existence, Kahlo lived her life with passion and courage. …

"one of history's grand divas…a tequila-slamming, dirty joke-telling smoker, bi-sexual that hobbled about her bohemian barrio in lavish indigenous dress and threw festive dinner parties for the likes of Leon Trotsky, poet Pablo Neruda, Nelson Rockefeller, and her on-again, off-again husband, muralist Diego Rivera."

3- Rumi - Poet and enlightened

Yes Rumi is a 13th-century Persian male poet and Sufi mystic, but in my eyes he represents the abundance and depth of the feminine divine.

Rumi's writing inspires me to start looking within, while his love story (or tragedy) with Shams, opened my eyes that it is impossible to know where your next inspiration may come from or who might aid furthering your growth.

4- Venetia Pristavec - creator and friend

I met Venetia the first day on the job at Airbnb. Little did I know that this lovely lady, is going to enrich my personal journey. It was such an inspiration to watch: her start her own project, and get more people into the habit of creating every day, embrace being single and find growth and peace in it. 

5- Simone De Beauvoir - Philosopher and feminist


Simone is the woman who ignited the fire of revolution and feminism in me and my high school friends. Author of the celebrated the Second Sex and an early feminist militant, Simone's life inspire me to rebel, make my own choices while keeping a big smile on my face.

6- Brené Brown - Research Professor and author 

I remember accidentally stumbling on her powerful TED talk, and falling for her. I used to secretly believe in the power of vulnerability, and thanks to Brené, the word on authenticity in the workplace is spreading. 

7- Margaret Thatcher - Prime Minister and leader

Whenever I start fearing that something is impossible, I picture the Iron Lady and her life from a grocer's shop in Grantham to the highest office in the land. There are many other reasons to admire her, but aside from her incredible leadership, Thatcher had a successful and loving partnership with her husband.

8- Marina Abramovic - Performance artist and luminary 

"Picasso pushed the limits of pictorial representation. Marina Abramovic does the same thing for comfort zones." Out of her confort zone, Marina pushes her body to extremes and creates art out of it. Watching Marina's performances inspire me to push the boundaries, and do what I do with heart and passion. Here is my favorite moment of her, in her Artist is Present act at the MOMA. Watch it..

9- Coco Chanel - Designer and genius

By thumbing her nose at the haute couture styles of the 19th century, Coco freed women from the clutches of corsets and bustles and created a fashion revolution that would influence every designer that came after her. Coco is the entrepreneur that Steve Jobs was in many ways: she worked really hard, did not follow the norms, and listened to her intuition to figure out what is the next revolution in fashion. And as an aspiring entrepreneur, Coco inspires me.

10- Elissa - Phoenician Princess and Founder

Our Phoenician ancestor, Princess Elissa was one of the female leaders who expanded Phoenicia (Lebanon) into the celebrated city Carthage, thanks to her wisdom and "mathematical intelligence". While her story remains a legend, Elissa and all the lebanese women, who on a daily basis refer to their wisdom to overcome our region's endless internal and external instabilities, remind me that whatever I am doing is not just for me, but for them too and the generations to come.

Share with me, which women inspire you? and why?

20 things i learnt, 27 years later

Beginning of 2013, i listed everything I learnt during my time on this earth thus far. I am happy to share them with you, and get your thoughts.

1- Many beliefs we carry with us are limiting and wrong

2- It is okay to make mistakes and fail. The goal of life is not winning, but it is being and loving

3- While we all have fears, it is important to be aware of them and pinpoint when they drive our decisions (read more on this topic)

4- The way i perceive myself is not the way people perceive me, in fact at times it is the complete opposite

5- Self-love is at the basis of happiness, if you do not love and forgive yourself, you will not be able to do so with others, and you will not survive the storm

6- Being happy, is not easy, in fact it takes work, and is a long journey. So learn to appreciate every part of it

7- There is no such thing as impossible, everything is literally possible

8- There is no such thing as bad people, all people are good. Some people are just insecure and afraid

9- Things change... all the time

10- Persistence + consistency pay off. Building habits is essential to living the life we want

11- We are responsible for our happiness, no one or nothing can make us happy

12- Meditate more, for your answers come from within

13- Vulnerability is power

14- You can do it on your own. Oftentimes, you will find yourself alone, and that is a wonderful thing

15- The times when you simply let go, and give up control are when things turn out for the best, hence my mantra: trust and believe

16- Patience is an under-stated virtue worth cultivating

17- Make sure you do what you are passionate about, even if you can't do it full time, even if it is an hour a week

18- You cannot change anyone, people need to want to change for themselves

19- I learnt there is not "one" person for me, there are many

20- I learnt to embrace sadness and depression, the same way you embrace joy and happiness, for they are the times when you feel most connected to your soul

Photo credit Celeste Noche 

It starts with Love

What if I told you all your decisions are driven by emotions? 

You would probably laugh at me. But before you do, think about the last decision you made. 
Mine was ordering a banana pie at Mission Beach cafe, last night. 

There goes the process.

My instinct wanted to devour the pie, my mind followed suit and created a whole logic for why it is okay for me to have fatty food at night: " you worked out today, you had a light lunch, you deserve it".

My decision was nowhere near rational. But what is reason anyway?

Senses + reason = understanding.

With our senses, we gather information, and thanks to our rational ability,we connect the pieces to form an understanding of how the world functions. We also refer to our past experiences to further our understanding of our world.

But reason only sets the destination.

It is emotion that drives us to action. The feeling, that sometimes you do not even recognize. 

While that could explain why the world works in a crazy way (think wars, economic crisis, romantic love), the good news is that we can make the world crazier in a good way, by basing our decisions on love rather than fear.

There two major source of emotions are Love & Fear.

For fear, is when you make a decision, such as not helping a colleague who you are competitive with, or staying in a relationship that is not working, or you emotionally eat a jar of Nutella.

Fears come from our deeply rooted insecurities and most times we are unaware that they are the ones calling the shots. 

For love, is when you make a decision from a place of generosity and authenticity. When i decide to give feedback to one of my employees, I check in with myself to ensure that why i am doing is precisely to make them better at what they do. That it is not anger based.

An easy tool to make more love-based decisions.

We make a lot of decisions in our day. Set yourself a challenge. for 7 days, you will ask yourself before making any decision this simple question: 

"is my decision coming out of a place of love or fear?"

You do not need to do anything about it, but by just creating that awareness, you will start digging deeper into what is driving and most importantly the why what is driving you.

After all, every emotion has its reason, so yes we are coming full circle.