Missing the "28" deadline

I grew up believing that by 28 I would have met the love of my life, have founded the company of my dreams, and will have enough money to travel the world when I need to.

None of the above happened. I missed the deadline. 

Indeed, similarly to many other women, I had marriage deadlines. And to many of the people in my networks, I had achievement deadlines.

And when I missed it, I hit the “28” life crisis, or what I eventually realized would be my “28” life rebirth.

The trigger: a break up

I dated a fine man for 3 years. As 28 was looming, I started getting hints that this may not be it. 

Questioning why I was in it, made it clear that there was more fear than love.

The plan to be married by 28 made it so painful to let go, but triggered the fall from grace.

I questioned my beliefs about love. And finally let go of them.

I let go of my belief that the man I dream of is too perfect and therefore does not exist. That settling is the way to go as you grow older. That I have few years left.

With pain came a realization, that I should not be seeking love, that love will seek me. 

Love does not have a deadline, or a form or expectations. It just is.

And so I today enjoy being single and alone, where my own company is enough.

What came next: My career

They say everything is interconnected, and they are right. My career choices have been driven by mostly insecurities and limiting beliefs about what is possible. As a result I was making choices based on what others thought.

I worked at a big corporation as my first job, and gave up my acceptance to LSE to do what I was passionate about at the time: International Political Economy. I wanted to start making money, to prove that I can to my family.

 I applied to Stanford because I wanted to prove to my smart competitive consultants, that I am smart. 

I never had literally asked myself what is it that I really wanted to do with my life. 

I was following the "success path". 

When I chose to join the Customer service team at Airbnb, (Airbnb was small then and there), it was the first time I made a career choice from the heart. 

It was not easy, especially when I was asked by some of my classmates why would I get an MBA and work in Customer Service. And that I had no background in it anyways.

I knew then (I was 26), that I would not make it big by 28, if I took this route.

But I chose to restart. And start doing more of what I am passionate about, which is crafting offline experiences. 

Which I do in some extent at Airbnb and after 6 PM. I created the Pause & Shine experiences, workshops that connect people to their passions and to one another.

  

The money  

 I failed according to the deadline to make enough money to live the lifestyle I wanted.

This “failure” drove me to revisit the lifestyle that I wanted and strip down what did not matter.

I did not need a designer bag every season to impress my Lebanese girlfriends.

I learnt to cook, and I created a beautiful home where I host more often than I go out to fancy restaurants.

Most importantly, I am making peace with my relationship with money. I let go of the belief that I will never be rich, and instead I started focusing on doing more of what I love and believing that the rest will follow.

A reflection process:

 Letting go of a deadline has been in retrospect the hardest thing that happened to me personally.

Nonetheless, the journey of living true to myself is worth all the pains that come with it.

Do you have a deadline and you feel it is limiting you?

Get started with facing your deadlines!

Write down what deadlines you have in these three categories and who set them (Family, friends, society, fears, you)

Money

Career

Love

Take each deadline and write down the beliefs that underline it. For example a love deadline can stem from a belief that you will not find love at a certain age.

What would you do without these deadlines? What would you change about your life?

For example, you would stop focusing on the project that gets you the promotion, and focus more on working on the project that you are interested in.

Now commit to doing one of the changes in the next week, and observe how you feel. 

Photos credit Celeste Noche

The 5 Meditation Myths

When I first started meditating, I felt like a total loser. I could not sit for longer than 3 minutes, I could not get my mind off how I am going to find a place to live in San Francisco, and the interwebs had confusing answers about meditation.

Getting my thoughts not to wander was almost impossible, and having nothing to do while "sitting" caused me anxiety.

Until I finally let go of my ego, and asked a friend for help.

Fast forward six months later, I meditate every morning (also known as "sitting") and support some friends with their meditation practice.

If you are curious about meditation, intimated by it, or feel like you are failing constantly at it, these 5 myths are for you.

1- Meditation is thinking of nothing 
"So does it mean that you are not allowed to think of anything?" a question I often hear. The answer is no. Meditation is built on compassion towards your self first and foremost. Which means that you cannot beat up yourself when thoughts come to you. Instead you could show them compassion and let them pass. By focusing on the breath they will slowly drift away. And even as your practice progresses thoughts will almost always be there. So do not be discouraged by them.

"It is simply sitting silently, witnessing the thoughts, passing before you. 

 The moment you say “this is good, this 

is bad,” you have already jumped onto the thought process. "

Osho

2- There are meditation rules
The beautiful thing about meditation is that you get to shape your own practice and figure out what works for you. It is one of the most personal acts you can do in your life.
You could start with a guided meditation, or a zen meditation (counting your breaths), visualization, mantra repetition, until you design your own practice. There are no rules in meditation.

3- Meditation's KPI is how long you do it for
Meditation is not a running race. It is a journey with no specific destination. Whether you sit for one minute, or a whole day, it is the act of pausing that matters.
Having said that, what you can identify as success is looking back and assessing changes in yourself and the way you relate to others. One way to do that is through journaling.

4- Meditation is buddhist
Meditation is about you, your body, your emotions, your thoughts, your consciousness. While certain meditation techniques are tied to Buddhism, meditation has existed across civilizations. Think Sufism for example. Having said that, you can make your practice a prayer to any religion if you wish so.
5- When I become a pro, I will start flying
You may feel like flying, but sadly no flying or walking on water guaranteed :)
As you deepen your practice, you can get various spiritual experiences. Some hear melodious sounds in the ears. Some see lights. Some experience that they fly in the air. There cannot be a common experience for all.

Use the comments below to ask questions about meditation, and share tips from your practice.

Read more on the benefit of meditation and how to get started!

Photos credit Celeste Noche

20 things i learnt, 27 years later

Beginning of 2013, i listed everything I learnt during my time on this earth thus far. I am happy to share them with you, and get your thoughts.

1- Many beliefs we carry with us are limiting and wrong

2- It is okay to make mistakes and fail. The goal of life is not winning, but it is being and loving

3- While we all have fears, it is important to be aware of them and pinpoint when they drive our decisions (read more on this topic)

4- The way i perceive myself is not the way people perceive me, in fact at times it is the complete opposite

5- Self-love is at the basis of happiness, if you do not love and forgive yourself, you will not be able to do so with others, and you will not survive the storm

6- Being happy, is not easy, in fact it takes work, and is a long journey. So learn to appreciate every part of it

7- There is no such thing as impossible, everything is literally possible

8- There is no such thing as bad people, all people are good. Some people are just insecure and afraid

9- Things change... all the time

10- Persistence + consistency pay off. Building habits is essential to living the life we want

11- We are responsible for our happiness, no one or nothing can make us happy

12- Meditate more, for your answers come from within

13- Vulnerability is power

14- You can do it on your own. Oftentimes, you will find yourself alone, and that is a wonderful thing

15- The times when you simply let go, and give up control are when things turn out for the best, hence my mantra: trust and believe

16- Patience is an under-stated virtue worth cultivating

17- Make sure you do what you are passionate about, even if you can't do it full time, even if it is an hour a week

18- You cannot change anyone, people need to want to change for themselves

19- I learnt there is not "one" person for me, there are many

20- I learnt to embrace sadness and depression, the same way you embrace joy and happiness, for they are the times when you feel most connected to your soul

Photo credit Celeste Noche