5 Things I learned about living your passion - my article published in Forbes

http://www.forbes.com/sites/women2/2013/12/02/5-things-i-have-learned-about-living-your-passion/

Five lessons learned from interviewing and learning from people who are doing work they love.

By Jessica Semaan (Founder, www.thepassion.co) 

Four years ago, I packed my entire life into two suitcases and flew to America

for the first time, ever. My career was on a golden track. I had graduated from a great college back home in Lebanon, snatched a top notch strategy consultant job and landed an even better next step: admission to two top MBA programs.

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A few weeks in, I found myself alone and depressed in my dorm room, far away from my comfort zone struggling to answer the question, “Why did I come to Stanford?” The truth is I was miserable all along. I was working toward someone else’s dream, a dream I did not love. That’s when I began a journey to not only find and live my passion, but help others do the same.

I have spent the past two years researching and building, interviewing and learning from people who are doing work they love and in turn, developing a method to help more of us succeed at living more meaningful lives. Five themes keep coming up.

Start Small

Most people living their passions got there gradually and incrementally. It usually started as an “after 6 p.m. project” while they maintained their day job on the side. In fact, when you start dabbling into your interests, you may discover other passions – or even realize that what you are doing is not what you actually want to do. Pivoting is very common, but the secret is to start doing.

Practice Your Fears

Afraid of rejection? Lack of structure? Uncertainty? Practice it. We found that the secret to successfully transitioning to doing what you love is to build a thick skin. Michelle, who left her banking job to write, had a fear that she wouldn’t know what to do first morning off the real job. So she prepared herself by creating structure: for example outlining the book she wanted to write.

Create Your Own Board

Support is a necessary part of pursuing your passions. Surround yourself with people that inspire you and want to help you. I have seen those who have chosen a “board of supporters” to be the most successful. Pick three or four people: an expert in the space you are interested in, two people pursuing similar passions and a close friend who knows you well and you can reach out to them throughout the process. Most importantly be sure you are on this board too, supporting yourself throughout the journey.

Simplify

Doing work you love can oftentimes mean less money in the bank in the short to medium term. Be prepared to simplify your life. Think cooking at home with friends over expensive dinners; buy one less new outfit. I found that this part of the experience is the most gratifying: it pushes you to become resourceful and creative and you realize that the pleasures of life are rarely related to money.

Be Patient

They say do what you love and the rest will follow. I say do what you love with persistence and the rest will follow. When you’re following your passions, unexpected doors will open to you. With more clarity, you are more likely to spot opportunities that will lead to your success. Just keep believing, especially in moments when you feel stuck, overwhelmed or don’t see tangible results. While it was hard for JJ to maintain his work on his interactive clothing line on the side, his persistence led him to eventually make enough sales to launch a line and quit his job.

A palliative nurse recorded the most common regrets and put her findings into a book called “The Top Five Regrets of The Dying.” The #1 regret of the dying was: “I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself and instead lived the life that others expected of me”

Don’t wait till your deathbed to live the life that you want and do work you love. Start small and start now.

What is one small step you can take towards one of your passions today? If you are unsure about your passion, what is one interest you have that you can test out on the side?

What being Lebanese taught me - 10 things I would not be otherwise

A 1982 Middle East Airlines advertisement (Lebanese official Airline) reads: Beyrouth, elle est mille fois morte, et elle a mille fois revécue. Translation: Beirut, has died a thousand times and resurrected a 1000 other times.

And like our city, my love for Lebanon keeps dying and rising. Over and over. And you can't blame me or any Lebanese for this love / hate relationship, for our plight is to find pleasure in the unstable. 

Having returned from a short trip to Beirut despite the awaited bombs, and the syrian war flair, I watched people still go on with their lives, occasionally joke, always hustle and still hope; I felt an immense gratitude and pride for being Lebanese. 

On my way back I reflected on how much of me is Lebanon. How much of the "good me" is actually Lebanon.

1- The entrepreneur:

Every Lebanese person you meet, will tell you they run their own business. While some may be exaggerating, entrepreneurship is a big part of our culture. And no it is not the tech one necessarily. It is running your own grocery store, owning a taxi car, basically being your own boss. Watching my mom become an entrepreneur as well, has inspired me since my young age to one day want to start my own thing. Rightfully so. entrepreneurship comes with instability and uncertainty - two things that wars can easily teach you. One time someone asked me in a job interview how do I feel about chaos in a start-up, I simply responded "I have lived through war.. what was the question again?"

2- The party animal: 

Living in Beirut, is living as if there is no tomorrow. And so since age 14, I frequented clubs, and up until now, partying like a Lebanese remains the real party. Wether it is dancing till sunrise at a club, buying everyone many rounds of drinks at a bar, or hosting an epic dance celebration at home, we know how to do it. In fact, one of our clubs BO18 was voted in the top 10 clubs in the world. 

3- The hustler: 

You gotta hustle to live. Things don't always come easy to you in Lebanon or during war times in general. For you need a visa to go anywhere, and while in your country, it is almost impossible to get anything done right given the chaos, so you learn to find different ways, keep trying and rarely give up. 

4- The people lover:

Lebanon is known for its hospitality. And so growing up in a country where your GDP relies on serving people, I learnt early on to love them. And so being surrounded by a family and community, my love for people, and what they call soft skills became a second nature. 

5- The trader: 

The Phoenicians, our ancestors were amongst the greatest traders of their time and owed much of their prosperity to trade. When the Lebanese were forced to immigrate during the wars, they became globally known for setting up trading businesses around the world, including Africa, Mexico, Australia. Lebanese are indeed the most successful immigrants, according to Freakonomics. Whenever there is a need for bargaining, my friends turn to me. And I do it for the pleasure of trading a deal.

6- The explorer: 

When the Phoenicians left the coast of the Levant, they explored other cities around the Mediterranean and settled in some. But most importantly, the 30 year civil war drove the Lebanese to settle abroad. Over 10 Million of us live outside of Lebanon versus roughly 4 Million in Lebanon. At an early age, I knew I wanted to go explore. And I went to Dubai, then San Francisco, and started again each time, because that's what we do.

7- The creative: 

Lebanon is the creative hub of the Middle East. Wether it is advertising or fashion design, being at the intersection of the east and the west, housing over 16 sects, and the conflict times, have led to a diversity that translates into creativity. Many of the leading designers in the Arab World are Lebanese. For example, Elie Saab for example is Red Carpet favorite. 

8- The Generous: 
Being generous and inviting friends, family and even strangers is a norm in my country. And so you will only find Lebanese and maybe the Irish, fighting, literally, over whom is going to pay for the bill. I carried this with me to the US, where people generally split the bill, and I occasionally offer to cover for another person, and enjoy the pleasant reaction I receive. 

9- The revolutionary: 

At age 19, I found myself in the middle of revolution as a student leader to ask Syria to leave Lebanon. And so I learnt that it is okay to disagree, and sometimes it is necessary to start from scratch, and ask for a change out loud. My revolutionary spirit comes up in my work and my personal life, and when well done it inspires others to want to make a change.  

10- The fashion lover: 

Moving to the US threw me into a fashion and style shock. People in San Francisco wore free t-shirts and uncoordinated colors. To my advantage, I became known for my fashion sense, and I took a few engineers on a personal shopping spree, but I owe my style to the many Lebanese women, who spend all of their income, or parent's money on Chanel and Hermes: your style and passion have inspired me. 


No country or society is perfect, in fact so much is broken in the US too. But I love it here, and I love being from Lebanon, and I appreciate and I am grateful for what each place has taught me. 

I invite you to take a moment, pause and reflect on what good about your personality, your attitude towards your life, your skills your country or hard times have gifted you. Share them in the comments below, and let us celebrate the beauty in every experience.

Photo credit: pinterest, ebay

How I ended up at a conspiracy theory dinner - 10 things I did to get out of my comfort zone

The other day I confessed to a friend I had never ever been to a restaurant or a bar alone. As embarrassing as it is, at the time it sounded like the most frightening idea. What do I do sitting alone? Do I stare at the cute waiter or my empty plate? Where do I place my hands? I always speak with my hands! Do I read a book? What book is appropriate?


I promised her to try it at least once, and while at it, I decided I might as well try other things that were not part of my zone..

I committed for the next 10 days to do one thing every day that made me uncomfortable.

1- Zero dollar day – Living a day without spending a penny, in nowhere else but San francisco. 

Instead of lyfting to work, I walked. Instead of a dinner out, I cooked with what I had. Even better, when I told my colleagues I cannot go to happy hour because of my zero dollar challenge, they showed me support and bought me drinks!

Lesson #1: When money is a problem you get to be more creative and the world becomes a more generous place.

2- A date with myself – While frightening (I left my phone at home!), half an hour later of sitting at a wine bar alone, I knew the life story of the owner, made new friends and was there for 4 hours! I have been looking forward to my one date a week with myself, adventure.

Lesson #2: Necessity is a blessing in disguise. When on your own, you make friends with people from outside your circles.

3- Shutting up – For those who don’t know me, I have to always have an opinion. So I finally decided to shut the f"#$ up one day, and refrain from controlling conversations, instead accepting what is. 

Lesson #3: I found out how liberating it is to not always need to formulate an opinion, and reminded me of this quote:"We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say"

4- Not planning – While I am a terrible planner, I always have a plan. And that Wednesday, I decided to make no plans and keep my evening open. My friend Azmeera texted me if I wanted to join a conspiracy theory dinner. An hour later, I found myself at an East Berlin joint in the Mission, talking Middle East conflict, oligarchy, revolution, Edward Snowden and all that fun stuff, with amongst others, a Columbia university professor, hippies who were dressed for Burning Man, an ex CIA agent and nobody that worked in tech.

Lesson #4: Leave room for serendipity, and be intentional about it. With how much we are connected these days, it is no longer a given.

5- Online dating – I am never telling my children I met your dad over the interwebs. My promise to myself, soon to be broken. I chose Tinder. After swiping a few guys I ended up running into my ex, colleagues and finally got a date. And while he was not Mr. Right or Right now, I made a friend.

Lesson #5: Before saying no to something, try it once. It may surprise you. Though in this case, I am still not a fan of it.

6- Fasting – I love to eat, all the time. So fasting is a big deal for me. I don’t think I ever fasted. While I ended up in bed with no energy all day, I got the opportunity to reflect on how much stuff I ate when I stressed. And actually, realized that I stressed more often than I thought.

Lesson #6: Going to the extreme opposite of your behavior can teach you things about yourself you did not know of.

7- Asking a guy out – A Lebanese woman never asks a guy out, never pays for dinner, and never says yes to sex on a first date. Or so I was brought up to believe.  So I broke the first rule, and while I got rejected, it was a blessing, as soon I found out he was gay. I could have waited all my life for it.

Lesson #7: Challenge your beliefs and what you were told was right. They may not apply to the person you have become. 

8- Disconnecting in the city -  No apple products for a day. Hid them in my closet, and soon after forgot about them. I went on exploring the deeper Mission, made friends with a homeless lady and meditated for an hour.

Lesson #8: Disconnecting is the new out of the zone no brainer. And it is easier than you think.

9- Running a marathon – In San Francisco, people run, bike and run again. Last time I biked I was 12, and the most I ran was 4 miles. So I signed myself up for the Big Sur marathon. I will keep you posted, I must start training. 

Lesson #9:Commit to not only yourself but also to the world, and pay for it, it helps you make it happen.

10- Traveling solo –If you haven’t traveled alone you haven’t lived said my Israeli friend Shely. While this was on my list, I was skeptical it is going to happen. But the universe was in on it. And so for passion reasons, my friend cancelled last minute and as I write this I am in the South of Portugal, in a fishing village, on my own.

Lesson #10: If it is too challenging, put it out there, and let life handle it. 

You can choose to live and do what you have known is comfortable or you can choose to get out there every now and then, and do something for the first time. 

The reward of a little bit of unease is life. For what is life if not lived.

And so what is one thing you will do this weekend to get you out of the comfort zone? Share with me, and lets do it!

Photos taken during my trip in south of portugal

Missing the "28" deadline

I grew up believing that by 28 I would have met the love of my life, have founded the company of my dreams, and will have enough money to travel the world when I need to.

None of the above happened. I missed the deadline. 

Indeed, similarly to many other women, I had marriage deadlines. And to many of the people in my networks, I had achievement deadlines.

And when I missed it, I hit the “28” life crisis, or what I eventually realized would be my “28” life rebirth.

The trigger: a break up

I dated a fine man for 3 years. As 28 was looming, I started getting hints that this may not be it. 

Questioning why I was in it, made it clear that there was more fear than love.

The plan to be married by 28 made it so painful to let go, but triggered the fall from grace.

I questioned my beliefs about love. And finally let go of them.

I let go of my belief that the man I dream of is too perfect and therefore does not exist. That settling is the way to go as you grow older. That I have few years left.

With pain came a realization, that I should not be seeking love, that love will seek me. 

Love does not have a deadline, or a form or expectations. It just is.

And so I today enjoy being single and alone, where my own company is enough.

What came next: My career

They say everything is interconnected, and they are right. My career choices have been driven by mostly insecurities and limiting beliefs about what is possible. As a result I was making choices based on what others thought.

I worked at a big corporation as my first job, and gave up my acceptance to LSE to do what I was passionate about at the time: International Political Economy. I wanted to start making money, to prove that I can to my family.

 I applied to Stanford because I wanted to prove to my smart competitive consultants, that I am smart. 

I never had literally asked myself what is it that I really wanted to do with my life. 

I was following the "success path". 

When I chose to join the Customer service team at Airbnb, (Airbnb was small then and there), it was the first time I made a career choice from the heart. 

It was not easy, especially when I was asked by some of my classmates why would I get an MBA and work in Customer Service. And that I had no background in it anyways.

I knew then (I was 26), that I would not make it big by 28, if I took this route.

But I chose to restart. And start doing more of what I am passionate about, which is crafting offline experiences. 

Which I do in some extent at Airbnb and after 6 PM. I created the Pause & Shine experiences, workshops that connect people to their passions and to one another.

  

The money  

 I failed according to the deadline to make enough money to live the lifestyle I wanted.

This “failure” drove me to revisit the lifestyle that I wanted and strip down what did not matter.

I did not need a designer bag every season to impress my Lebanese girlfriends.

I learnt to cook, and I created a beautiful home where I host more often than I go out to fancy restaurants.

Most importantly, I am making peace with my relationship with money. I let go of the belief that I will never be rich, and instead I started focusing on doing more of what I love and believing that the rest will follow.

A reflection process:

 Letting go of a deadline has been in retrospect the hardest thing that happened to me personally.

Nonetheless, the journey of living true to myself is worth all the pains that come with it.

Do you have a deadline and you feel it is limiting you?

Get started with facing your deadlines!

Write down what deadlines you have in these three categories and who set them (Family, friends, society, fears, you)

Money

Career

Love

Take each deadline and write down the beliefs that underline it. For example a love deadline can stem from a belief that you will not find love at a certain age.

What would you do without these deadlines? What would you change about your life?

For example, you would stop focusing on the project that gets you the promotion, and focus more on working on the project that you are interested in.

Now commit to doing one of the changes in the next week, and observe how you feel. 

Photos credit Celeste Noche

The 5 Meditation Myths

When I first started meditating, I felt like a total loser. I could not sit for longer than 3 minutes, I could not get my mind off how I am going to find a place to live in San Francisco, and the interwebs had confusing answers about meditation.

Getting my thoughts not to wander was almost impossible, and having nothing to do while "sitting" caused me anxiety.

Until I finally let go of my ego, and asked a friend for help.

Fast forward six months later, I meditate every morning (also known as "sitting") and support some friends with their meditation practice.

If you are curious about meditation, intimated by it, or feel like you are failing constantly at it, these 5 myths are for you.

1- Meditation is thinking of nothing 
"So does it mean that you are not allowed to think of anything?" a question I often hear. The answer is no. Meditation is built on compassion towards your self first and foremost. Which means that you cannot beat up yourself when thoughts come to you. Instead you could show them compassion and let them pass. By focusing on the breath they will slowly drift away. And even as your practice progresses thoughts will almost always be there. So do not be discouraged by them.

"It is simply sitting silently, witnessing the thoughts, passing before you. 

 The moment you say “this is good, this 

is bad,” you have already jumped onto the thought process. "

Osho

2- There are meditation rules
The beautiful thing about meditation is that you get to shape your own practice and figure out what works for you. It is one of the most personal acts you can do in your life.
You could start with a guided meditation, or a zen meditation (counting your breaths), visualization, mantra repetition, until you design your own practice. There are no rules in meditation.

3- Meditation's KPI is how long you do it for
Meditation is not a running race. It is a journey with no specific destination. Whether you sit for one minute, or a whole day, it is the act of pausing that matters.
Having said that, what you can identify as success is looking back and assessing changes in yourself and the way you relate to others. One way to do that is through journaling.

4- Meditation is buddhist
Meditation is about you, your body, your emotions, your thoughts, your consciousness. While certain meditation techniques are tied to Buddhism, meditation has existed across civilizations. Think Sufism for example. Having said that, you can make your practice a prayer to any religion if you wish so.
5- When I become a pro, I will start flying
You may feel like flying, but sadly no flying or walking on water guaranteed :)
As you deepen your practice, you can get various spiritual experiences. Some hear melodious sounds in the ears. Some see lights. Some experience that they fly in the air. There cannot be a common experience for all.

Use the comments below to ask questions about meditation, and share tips from your practice.

Read more on the benefit of meditation and how to get started!

Photos credit Celeste Noche

The 10 women that inspire me

A week ago, my friend Karla asked me if I had a female mentor in the Bay Area, so she can feature us in her Cuyana Mother's day campaign.

My first reaction was one of disappointment: I do not have a female mentor or any mentor! 

However, this invite got me thinking of the many women who have mentored me knowingly or unknowingly without having to be my official mentor. Every single woman that was taking a risk, looking within, giving generously and following her passion.

In this post, I want to pay tribute to the 10 women that have pushed me, guided me, given me hope and taught me that anything is possible; and share with you why they inspire me. 

- Sorry Sheryl, you did not make the cut - 

1- Yolla Semaan - mother and entrepreneur

Born in a modest family of 9, birthing me at 16, my mother and her minimal school education, started her company in Lebanon, at 21. She survived bankruptcies, heartbreaks, wars, and continues to be a restless warrior. Today she runs a very successful company of 40+ employees and is a wonderful mother of two. 
And if I may say, her love for life and cigars lighten up every place she is at. If it were not for her drive and inspiration, I would not be anywhere close to where I am now.

2- Frida Kahlo - artist and revolutionary

If I had to choose the phrase to describe my muse, it would be her famous quote:

"I was born a bitch i was born a painter."

Despite the tremendous pain she endured through her existence, Kahlo lived her life with passion and courage. …

"one of history's grand divas…a tequila-slamming, dirty joke-telling smoker, bi-sexual that hobbled about her bohemian barrio in lavish indigenous dress and threw festive dinner parties for the likes of Leon Trotsky, poet Pablo Neruda, Nelson Rockefeller, and her on-again, off-again husband, muralist Diego Rivera."

3- Rumi - Poet and enlightened

Yes Rumi is a 13th-century Persian male poet and Sufi mystic, but in my eyes he represents the abundance and depth of the feminine divine.

Rumi's writing inspires me to start looking within, while his love story (or tragedy) with Shams, opened my eyes that it is impossible to know where your next inspiration may come from or who might aid furthering your growth.

4- Venetia Pristavec - creator and friend

I met Venetia the first day on the job at Airbnb. Little did I know that this lovely lady, is going to enrich my personal journey. It was such an inspiration to watch: her start her own project, and get more people into the habit of creating every day, embrace being single and find growth and peace in it. 

5- Simone De Beauvoir - Philosopher and feminist


Simone is the woman who ignited the fire of revolution and feminism in me and my high school friends. Author of the celebrated the Second Sex and an early feminist militant, Simone's life inspire me to rebel, make my own choices while keeping a big smile on my face.

6- Brené Brown - Research Professor and author 

I remember accidentally stumbling on her powerful TED talk, and falling for her. I used to secretly believe in the power of vulnerability, and thanks to Brené, the word on authenticity in the workplace is spreading. 

7- Margaret Thatcher - Prime Minister and leader

Whenever I start fearing that something is impossible, I picture the Iron Lady and her life from a grocer's shop in Grantham to the highest office in the land. There are many other reasons to admire her, but aside from her incredible leadership, Thatcher had a successful and loving partnership with her husband.

8- Marina Abramovic - Performance artist and luminary 

"Picasso pushed the limits of pictorial representation. Marina Abramovic does the same thing for comfort zones." Out of her confort zone, Marina pushes her body to extremes and creates art out of it. Watching Marina's performances inspire me to push the boundaries, and do what I do with heart and passion. Here is my favorite moment of her, in her Artist is Present act at the MOMA. Watch it..

9- Coco Chanel - Designer and genius

By thumbing her nose at the haute couture styles of the 19th century, Coco freed women from the clutches of corsets and bustles and created a fashion revolution that would influence every designer that came after her. Coco is the entrepreneur that Steve Jobs was in many ways: she worked really hard, did not follow the norms, and listened to her intuition to figure out what is the next revolution in fashion. And as an aspiring entrepreneur, Coco inspires me.

10- Elissa - Phoenician Princess and Founder

Our Phoenician ancestor, Princess Elissa was one of the female leaders who expanded Phoenicia (Lebanon) into the celebrated city Carthage, thanks to her wisdom and "mathematical intelligence". While her story remains a legend, Elissa and all the lebanese women, who on a daily basis refer to their wisdom to overcome our region's endless internal and external instabilities, remind me that whatever I am doing is not just for me, but for them too and the generations to come.

Share with me, which women inspire you? and why?

Speaking about Love and Scaling Operations at Airbnb

I got the chance to speak at the first User Conference in San Francisco about scaling Customer Operations from 10s of people to 100s. I also managed to give some tips on love relationships. If you happen to watch it feel free to let me know what you think.

What about your start-up?

"Good leaders create a vision, articulate the vision, passionately own the vision, and relentlessly drive it to completion." Jack Welsh

New year's eve 2013 went by rather quietly, and i found myself the next day staring at a bunch of resolutions and a 2013 Jessica plan realizing how useless this all were. 

It felt the same as working long hours on creating a business plan for a start-up whilst having no vision or idea why you are doing the start-up. 

Or spending sleepless nights on a consulting deck that is eventually going to end up in the client's trash. 

And exactly like the deck, I threw my plans in trash, decided to lock myself down for a weekend and brainstorm the vision and mission for my start-up: me.

The 5-step process

"the discipline of writing something down is the first step toward making it happen"

But first, the ingredients

Pens, colorful ones, highlighters, lots of them. A board, sticky notes, or anything you can write on. Somewhere quiet and alone. Your favorite beverage, a day with no plans and patience.

1- Brainstorm - who am I

Spend half an hour to 45 minutes, throwing down all words that define you, mean something to you, inspire you, or simply come to your mind when you think of you. Remember no judgement: one of my words was neon colors. 

Next, cluster these words into themes; mine were 5:

Innovation, inspiration, revolution, feminine power, hard work

Now that you have all of these themes out of your head, take a break, and change scenery.

2- the 3 questions - your purpose

Come back re-read your words, then ask yourself these three questions:

- What do I wish to be remembered for after I die?

- If money was not a problem, what would I find myself doing?

- What matters most to me and why?

3- Map your life - your happiness

Create a graph of how happy you are and what were the major events. 

I surprisingly found out that during the perceived happiest events, for example starting stanford business school, I was in fact miserable. 

The purpose of this step is to help you understand what brings you happiness.

4- Your learnings

27 years on this earth, i actually had never took a moment to write down what I have learned during this journey. Check out my previous blog entry on my learnings. It is an empowering feeling to have them all clarified.

5- The outcome

So what was the synthesis of all of your mind porn?

Just like a company, I came up with

A mission

A vision

Guiding Principles

I am excited to share mine with you.

Mission: Inspire and support a world of seekers

Vision: a world full of people choosing meaningful lives

Guiding Principles: forgiveness, creativity, change, self-love, passion, vulnerability, gratitude, giving, courage

What next

I pinned my mission and vision in my bedroom, to remind me every day why i wake up and want to be part of this world.

While I have not figured out my detailed life plan, I as the CEO of myself have a clear direction. I now have a why, and it helps me make decisions faster, more confidently and from a place of trust.

What's your why?

photo credit www.celestenoche.com